I have grown weary of ducking the calls of various telemarketers promising to lower my interest rates on student loans or trying to sell me satellite dishes, magazine subscriptions and sweepstakes entries as well as bill collectors trying to squeeze money out of me that I don't have.
So, I have found a way to turn this into a source of amusement.
Thanks to the miracle that is caller ID, I can call these people back without them having left a message on my voicemail, which, if they would be considerate enough to do, I might consider giving them a legitimate call back.
I often call these numbers back, wait for them to say the name of their business and in my own inimitable fashion, break out into the Naga/Kodachi laugh.
For those who don't know it, imagine a busty woman who is unbelievably full of herself breaking out into loud resonant laughter, secure in her own superiority. Something like OHHHHOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
You get the picture, I'm sure.
I then quickly hang up before the representative gets their bearings. Or their hearing back.
Another source of fun revealed itself to me last night. Apparently somebody's cel signal broke in on my landline. My phone rang, and when I answered it, there was a conversation already in progress.
Out of curiosity (a trait that is as much a boon and bane as my sex drive), I listened in on the conversation. Had it been interesting, I would have just either hung up and let them speak unmolested or listened in and not done anything.
However, it was just mindless teenage bullshit.
Fact: Teenagers have the most overinflated sense of self imaginable. Everything they do, think or say is epic and world-shatteringly important in their own minds.
*insert eyeroll here*
I listened to these two jaw jack about absolutely nothing at all for about 4 minutes, then hung up and tried to dial my voicemail. As the phone dialed, I suddenly heard, "What was that?"
Realizing they could hear the touchtones on my phone when I hit buttons and having nothing better to do, having already pleasured myself for the evening, I decided to amuse myself. I would let them yammer on for a while, then began punching buttons on my phone at random intervals and listened to them freak out.
I kept this up for a good 10 minutes, then went ballistic and just kept dialing buttons at increasing speeds, listening to the increasingly freaked out chatter.
I was in the process of trying to look up a way to play the Halloween theme on my phone when they got too freaked out to continue the conversation.
It was a fun time. If it happens again, I'm putting on the most vocal porn I have on my hard drive and setting the phone in between the speakers. Maybe something from Hot Desert Knights.