The Cub Your Mother Warned You About (jrcubindy) wrote,
The Cub Your Mother Warned You About
jrcubindy

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I love my waffle sundaes! Give me my carbs!

Now I know a lot of you have probably already seen this, but I'm posting it here because dammit, it needs to be said.



Ok, I am fuckin sick of this "Fatkins" diet. You fucking carb counting assholes really need to stop. All I hear out of everyone's mouth is, "Oh, I can't eat that, it has carbs!” Well, you know what? You need carbs! If you don't have carbs, your brain rots and you liver gets damaged. Nice. You're thin, and you have some mental disease and a bad liver. YEP, THE VANITY IS WORTH IT!

I'm also sick of this fucking exchange program, where you minus the fiber grams from the fat grams and the carb grams, to determine what the carb ratio is in your food. FUCK THAT. When I pick up food, I'm not gonna start doing addition and subtraction to see if it's a fuckin meal I can eat. How about just minusing some fuckin food from your everyday eating binges, you fat bastards. Stop looking to some dead man for a quick fix diet and just eat like a sensible human being.

You never see any fat squirrels, do ya? Why?

Because we excercise by jumping from tree to tree and we only eat nuts. And the occassional bagel.

Stop being so concerned about your image and just be yourself. If you're a fat bastard, fine. Be a fat bastard. If you're an anorexic jack-ass with a thyroid problem, fine. Be a twig. Stop doing all these unecessary diets.

Cause you know, once you get down to your goal weight, you're gonna be like: "Sure,I can have an extra piece of cake. Look at all the weight I lost.” Then before you know it, RRRRRRWEEEEEEEETT. Back on a diet because your ass is falling out of your jeans.

Besides, I’m not gonna buy into a fuckin diet that says, "You know what? You can eat three burgers and a pound of bacon, but you can’t have an apple. Because the apple has carbs."

Just be yourself. Eat that twinkie. Enjoy that cake, buy that extra pound of cream cheese you always wanted! And if people look at you funny because you're too fat or too skinny, tell em to fuck off and die. You do not need to adhere to an idealistic vision of beauty marketed by fashion magazines and negatively reinforced by a society dumb enough to believe beauty only appears on the cover of a magazine.

FUCK THEM ALL!!!

NOW WHERE’S MY WAFFLE SUNDAE?

- Foamy the Squirrel


This has been an editorial wholly endorsed by the owner of this journal.
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