The Cub Your Mother Warned You About (jrcubindy) wrote,
The Cub Your Mother Warned You About
jrcubindy

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Adventures with the Zombie Squad

Work was HELL.

I get in and immediately one of the managers says I'm just the man he wants to see. Inwardly, sirens and klaxons sound.

You see, whenever I get on a job, the fact that I'm actually willing to WORK as hard as I can instantly makes me what I call "the zombie squad".

This is a term I pulled from an old cop movie. The Zombie Squad is what the rest of homicide labeled the late shift, who usually ended up with the most horrific of cases. Basically, they got the cases nobody else wanted.

That's me. I get the jobs nobody else wants to do. For example, last week somebody put half a roll of toilet paper and a bunch of paper towels in the toilet of the women's bathroom. Guess who got to put on rubber gloves and get all that out?

Well, today, after wiping off the top of the cigarette corral, instead of just bagging groceries, which is boring in and of itself, I got the primo assignment of taping balloon icons made of paper to the windows and doors of the main entrance.

You see, Kroger is currently doing a charity drive for the Childrens Miracle Network. For every dollar, you get this nice little balloon cutout. Now, imagine working in a space the size of a studio apartment that's entirely exposed to the outside, not air conditioned at all and encased in glass. Effectively, I was working in a greenhouse. Not the most comfortable environment to work in.

And then the distractions. Customers asking for handbaskets because nobody else had bothered to collect them and take them back to the entrance, customer service asking me to take out their trash, and cashiers asking me to put back groceries customers had decided not to buy.

Around 7:40, the cart attendant opted to take his break and asked me to take over. I figured he'd be gone for 15 minutes or so. Wrongo. He was gone for the better part of an hour. And the outside was only slightly more comfy than the greenhouse. And trying to keep the entrance stocked with carts ain't as easy as it looks.

Then, after my all too short 15 minute break and taping up a few more balloons, it was time for me to clock out. And of course, on my way out I was approached by a customer who wanted to buy a twin pack of soy milk that was on sale. The head of customer service told me to tell him to get two regular packs and have the cashier ring them up for the sale price. Which I did. I went back to customer service to give him the balloon icons to find that the customer had followed me back like a gorram puppy! Now if the guy had been halfway cute, he could have followed me home! But as it was, I wasn't trying to have the anorexic, hatchetfaced motherfucker, so I pawned him off on customer service and went home.

I keep myself half sane by reminding myself that I have to pay my dues, just like I did at UITS. I was the zombie squad for the longest time there too. But sometimes, I really feel like they're just trying to see how far they can push me before I do my best impersonation of a disgruntled postal worker.
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